Sgt. Chad Reveals Whereabouts


In answer to The Planet's impatient and persistent inquiries as to his prolonged and inconvenient absence; and in an effort to refute The Planet's unjust, insulting and entirely fabricated speculations as to his current location and mode of passing the weary hours, which may be summarized thusly--


--Sgt. Chad Payne, information officer for the Dade County Sheriff's Office, kindly sent the attached epistle, which The Planet forthwith shares with its esteemed readers, who The Planet is sure is missing Sgt. Payne as sorely as The Planet is:


​I'm in Pine Mountain, GA at K9 Dog Center USA taking my K9 Handler classes with Daisy and getting us certified together. I won't be back until July 2nd, and as far as I know, no one is fulfilling my responsibilities while I'm gone. The sheriff is handling media incidents that arise in my absence.

--Sgt. Chad Payne

The Planet hereby thanks Sgt. Payne for the information, sends affectionate thoughts of pats and biscuits through cyberspace to the estimable Daisy, wishes Godspeed and a safe return to the officers both canine and human, and condoles with readers over Sgt. Payne's continued absence and the "police news desert" that has resulted.

Do not repine, Gentle Readers! Perhaps DeKalb will bust a meth house, and shoot us some mugs!


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